We're facebook friends in real life
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
