Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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