Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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