I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize