I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize