You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
