he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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