I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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