So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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