Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
