i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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