I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
