I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
