did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were trust falling into bushes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
