I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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