Farmville is her only friend.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
