just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
