i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
