I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
