She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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