He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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