NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
