His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my shit smells like andre
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
