Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
should my penis look like a turkey
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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