so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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