You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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