please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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