My room smells like vodka and shame
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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