I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
