i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
