I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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