thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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