so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
