she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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