That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
third nipple confirmed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
