i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
