and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
