giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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