Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
