Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
