I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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