i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize