Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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