I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize