you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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