Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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