Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
