i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
