I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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