the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
