Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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