It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
