We won't sleep together?
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
