I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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