I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
