Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
