I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
