Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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