Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
