I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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