u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize