i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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