Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
