you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
