This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
