I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
