doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
