I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize