he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
